Last 3 years..

The last three years have been pretty eventful in my life. I think what happened during those 1,000 odd days had more effect on my life compared to all that happened in the preceding 25 years. If I ever had what they call the 'shaping years' of my life, without no doubt they were the last three. It also had its own share of questions and surprises thrown at me, leaving me puzzled and confused at times.

It was when I had what others call a 'steady and promising career', that I decided to leave it all and bet my life on a start-up. The only reason for me to jump tracks was the fact that the new job had something to do with music; an opportunity to make a living around something that I love. I was called a stupid and idiot by many and they were absolutely right as well. Only because it all went well that I am able to look at that decision without regret now. In hindsight though it all might look like a wise plan and strategy, it wasn't even close. It was a real good ride and I for one, is more interested in the journey than the destination.

If real character is what one looks like in the dark, I have undergone a sea change. I am not just referring to those distinguishable love handles alone. From a careless, emotionless, free spirit I have graduated into some kind of a sensitive, irresponsible and confused freak. I am not quite sure whether the phrase 'graduated into' is apt to describe the situation. The rise and fall of a few relationships definitely took their toll. However strong or old or genuine they seem, I realized that relation-ships can sink. But the show must go on!!

I started doing few things in life, breaking and remoulding old entities to follow a new dream. Everything that mattered to me till then were replaced with this new excitement. But once I was done breaking my ties with everything and everyone in the past, I realized the new dream was just an illusion. There was nothing genuine about the dream which I could not gauge then. When you bet everything you had, on one dream, its failure can throw you off balance. I realized that dreams are killing stuff.. they can take you to great heights and part company with you, letting you enjoy the lonely and painful fall from grace.

Its during these days that I finally got convinced that there is much more to life than pursuit of 'yuppiness'. Conforming to the system and leading a 'successful' life are no more items on my priority list. It doesn't mean that I have taken wows of 'unconventionality'. Existence has got new meaning now a days. My outlook towards life is more clear and concise now; its no more a hazy shadow.

I just want to convince myself that I am not a mistake of creation...a tragic waste of skin.

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