Class Reunions

Class reunions are evil.

I am saying this not because my high school sweetheart (I wasn't hers.. if you are wondering) told me that I look too old for my age and I should get married soon. I had reconfirmed before starting for the get-together, that I had just three gray hairs on my head. I was under the impression that a lot of guys would be having much more than mine; but then I had terribly underestimated the power of hair dyes. I am saying this also not because her swanky Investment Banker husband asked me whether I sell cassettes for a living; after I told him that I work for a company which operates in the music industry. The ass-faced moron could have at least said CDs, not cassettes!

As soon as I walked into the hall, I got a feeling that the day is not going to be as exciting as I thought. My left eye started twitching, a sure sign of bad things to come. As if to confirm my worst fears, a huge, disproportionate figure paddled into the room and said 'Hello'. I couldn't believe that it was her. On a different occasion or on the street, I would have easily mistaken her to be a Queen Latifah clone. I tried to conceal my surprise, thinking that there is no excellent beauty that has not strangeness in its proportions. But then she had the audacity to tell me that I look old and introduce me to her ass-faced hubby who matched his wife with his own sarcastic remark. As we were talking, two little monkeys rolled on to the scene, whom she introduced as her kids. What a wonderful family I thought.. my choice for the next season of 'Arrested Development'. I couldn't believe that this is the girl I tried writing poems about, once when I was even more stupid. As I stood there the next few minutes, listening to the husband and wife taking turns in abusing some air-hostess, who served them hot water when they asked for lukewarm water, I thanked my good fortunes for not letting me get involved
with this non stop talk-show.

I soon spotted the bar, crowded with few of my friends who never miss a free drink. Seeing the elixir of life in beautiful crystal glasses, my body got into auto-pilot mode and started navigating towards it, much like the hind leg of a dog once it sees a telephone pole. Soon I felt alright amidst the already-drunk half-wits, vigorously arguing whether Johnny was the first guy in school to kiss a girl. In a matter of minutes we were reliving those moments, when we were a bunch of carefree teenagers having no clue about life or future. Things aren't much different now, except that we are no more teenagers. As the mother of all pain killers slowly started taking effect, the 'dudes' hijacked the dance floor and starting dancing as if they were epilepsy patients buttoned up in nice suits for the night. I wanted to look 'cool' and had carefully chosen a beach shirt and jeans for the event. Like many other occasions I ended up like a gypsy in the church, a spilled drop of color in an otherwise bland canvas.

Reunions are another chance for the 'cool' guys at school to show that they are still pretty high on the cool factor, even though many of them have not progressed in life beyond the steering wheel of a taxi cab or a department store desk. For the 'lesser mortals' at school, who got attention for all the wrong reasons then, this is an opportunity to prove the cool guys wrong. Imagine the eternal-front-bench-warmer walking into the hall right out of a luxury car, holding the hands of a girl who looks like the younger sister of Katie Price Jordan. As the crowd turned towards the 'dude', acknowledging his presence for once, ogling at the beauty who walked beside him, he carefully took the victory lap, ensuring that the guys at the beer parlor got a good look at his prized possessions. He then approached the bar with confidence shown never before, and announced that he lives in Singapore and works for a multinational consulting company. As the cool dudes stared back with a 'so what' look in their eyes, he realized that there are a few things in life that money can't buy.. for everything else he might have his Master card!

While I was trying hard to fit in amidst the chaos, I realized I should have watched 'Ronnie and Michele's High school Reunion' a few more times and picked up some tips. If not 'Post-Its', I could have at least claimed that I invented 'Viagra'. I told you, class reunions are evil !