The year that was..

Another year is on its way out, like the many that have gone before and the many that might follow. Ending an year is like closing a book. You dont throw it away just because you have finished reading it. You keep it stacked beside the others on the shelf. You don't forget the stories or the plots you read, and will most certainly pick it up from time to time in the future.

It is that time of the year again, when you look at the table and see the 'resolutions' list neatly folded and unopened for the last 350 odd days. I never had a problem with that irrelevant piece of paper so far, but suddenly it has developed a face with a sarcastic smile and an expression which says 'I told you so'. I argued back saying that it was kept unopened only because I know exactly what is written inside. I have been writing the same set of resolutions over and over for the last few years. But then the smile grew wider, the expression more gruesome, and I heard the piece of paper talking 'Even better.. so what happened?'. I knew that I was hallucinating and the paper wasn't talking, but I replied 'I am working on it'. Just like I have been working on it last year and the one before that. Glad that I managed to be consistent about something in life!

Like every other year, 2009 also brought with it moments of joy and despair. When some facets of life attained new heights some others crumbled down equally bad. For me 2009 was truly remarkable. I almost tripped on the turn of events during this year. This was the year which proved me wrong and stupid on multiple counts. This was the year when I had to thoroughly re-evaluate my understanding of trust and love. This year almost convinced me to relinquish my view of an ideal world and turn ruthless and selfish. This year made me think about future, the way I never did or ever wanted to do. There were moments when the only relationship I had going on, was with the wine bottle. My belief system had to withstand some serious breakdowns, which at times did test the limits of my sanity and strength. I am happy that in spite of all the sham and drudgery, I still firmly believe that this is a beautiful world.

The year had its high times as well. I could cross out a few things from my bucket list to start with. I did get a chance to spend few memorable days in the Himalayas and visit the Valley of flowers. I also got to see through few people who were dearer in life, and now know exactly where to put them in my relationship matrix. The conflicts and setbacks have made me a stronger person and future looks a little less ambiguous from where I stand now. If I say I have moved a tad higher in the responsibility Index, I know its no exaggeration. I have learned not to lean on others for confidence and comfort, and instead develop them in-house. I am more committed to my ideals and ambitions than ever before.. when you decide to walk a new path, you got to prove that it isn't just a fluke. Now that the clouds have rained off, I can see things more clearly and I am happy about it. I might have a bigger baggage to carry, but I think I will be just fine with it. I always lived my life the way I wanted to and I am intending to do so in future as well.

After all, is there something called a 'good year' or a 'bad year'? I don't think so, 365 days is too long a time to fill with any one of it. Most of the time you get an equal share of the two. Some of the so called good or bad moments might even turn out the other way, once you take a second look at it from another point in time. Who knows?

You are good when you walk to your goal firmly with bold steps.
Yet you are not evil when you go thither limping.

Even those who limp go not backward.

The Prophet - Khalil Gibran

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