Confusion-ism !

I remember seeing this article in the newspaper once, which said 'Cleopatra is in Hyderabad'. The story was about a 'Past Life Regression' expert who discovered that a person in Hyderabad was Cleopatra in his past life! Recently I realized without any expert help that I was 'Confusious' in my own previous life. The diagnosis was easy as I am actually confused about a lot of things in life, no matter how much I try to convince myself that I know what is going on around me. I never realized the enormity of it till I listed down the things I am confused about. Now it looks like there are very few things I am NOT confused about. And the more I delved into the depth of issues, the more deep they turned out to be.

I am confused about God. Though I am practically an atheist, technically I am still agnostic. I have reasonable arguments against the existence of a super natural entity as we generally perceive it. But once you broaden the definition of God to include the energy, forces and reactions we see around, I am more of a believer. The Pantheistic God is an idea I have minimal issues with. But because of the upbringing and societal dependence, at times I doubt myself and my convictions, even though there is still a pretty strong wall of rationality and reason between me and the mania.

I am confused about the purpose of life. The moment you take away the concepts of 'after-life' and 'reincarnation', life might seem pretty pointless. Procreation is too lame an argument to fill the gap. Creativity is probably the 'real' purpose of it all. The way we lead our life, the way we treat other creatures, the way we modify things and situations around us, all these are purposes we create for ourselves and purposes through which we create the world around us. The way we project our individuality in everything we do, makes them our own unique creations. It is like being part of a symphony orchestra or a choir, where every player has a unique way of influencing the final outcome.

I am confused about right and wrong. I think righteousness is always a function of the situation. That is precisely the reason why we fumble when the heart tells us to do one thing and the situation demands something else from us. There is no one right thing, there is no one right path, it is what we make of the choice that decides the label. Does that mean that we can take a seemingly wrong decision and still turn it around to a seemingly right outcome? I am seriously confused!

I am confused about what to do in life. I have my ideas and convictions, I also believe they are right to the best of my understanding. But being unable to disassociate myself fully from the society, I stumble at times thinking about how I should shape my future. Should I stand ground and live for my convictions or should I give up and follow the herd towards more 'sensible' destinations? Sucking up to sources of inspiration and reminding myself about the noble nature of my intentions is currently doing the job.. but not sure how long.

I am confused about whom to trust. I trust people without a second thought and I have burned my hands a few times as a result of this behavior. I attribute most of these bad experiences to situations and not the people themselves. Conflicts of interests can always result in situations where one of the parties will be disappointed and this is inevitable. But I have to admit that off late I feel some hesitation while interacting with strangers. Though people say its good to be cautious, I used to be much better before.

I am confused about my capabilities. This is a feeling that keeps coming back every now and then. One moment I am Mr. Invincible, ready to take the world apart with my superior powers and a while later I am as confused as a baby in a topless bar. Others talking about your strengths and you feeling it from inside are two different things. I tried to spend some time listing down my capabilities and I came up with a nice blank sheet of paper! You won't consider 'bugging people off with continuous rant' as a super power.. will you?

Looks like confusion is a major ingredient of my life... that is one thing I am really sure about!