2009 - One Last Word..

How do you evaluate how well you fared the last year, one that has only a few hours left before fading into the past? Do you look at where you stand today, and see how the scales are tipped? Or do you take a weighted average of all the ups and downs, all the twists and turns that brought you to this point and then decide? You can argue both ways... for each his own. After all, good and bad are different shadows of the same reality created by perception and purpose.

Past is often a mixture of triumphs and failures, content and dissatisfaction, regrets and fond memories. The sad thing is that, it is the disappointments and dejection that get more weightage once you look back at life. Probably we are wired to retain more vivid memories of pain than pleasure. When you talk about past, there are two ways of describing it. One is to pretend that it never happened really, and talk about it like fiction. It will help not to put too much 'you' into the story. But then it might also take away with you, the true emotions associated with the events. The second way is to accept the past with all its triumphs and disappointments and talk about it as genuinely as you felt about it then. You can expect some booing and tomatoes from the crowd as you glow in the stupidity and silliness of your actions and judgments. If you can make a lot of people happy by proclaiming yourself 'idiot of the year', then that is what you should do; a small sacrifice for the 'greater common good'.

How would I like to remember 2009, as the year that ushered in 2010? That's it?

This year I had the misfortune of dealing with my worst fears. To love someone is a fortune, but to live with someone is quite another. Softened by the forced reflection brought about by loss, I now think a life was saved from a crazy future and a crazier me. The only trouble is, when you retract a step you had taken forward, you never get back to your original position. You are left to linger on in some kind of limbo, and it sucks. As a society we do not have a ritual that acknowledges the loss of a person unless he or she is dead. We can handle physical pain or death but when it comes to emotional pain, we find it difficult to cope with. In the words of Floyd, 'the flames are all gone, but the pain lingers on'. Somebody suggested the other day that I go see a shrink.. I'd rather paint my hair pink!

I am a prisoner of my dreams and will always be. I learned my biggest lesson about dreams the hard way. The most important thing about dreams is to hang on to them patiently, long enough for them to materialize. We all tend to search for alternatives if dreams don't come true immediately. Every dream has a gestation period of its own, and if you care to keep it alive that long, it will sure manifest in all its glory. I know patience doesn't come cheap, but without it you are gonna stumble one day or other. Dreams will give you everything, and it will take from you everything. It will cost you your life and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it.

Often grief is the greatest aphrodisiac.. the creator of new life and new realities. With the odds of all that shit happening in the last one year, statistically next year should turn around. Happy 2010!

Raising crazy kids..

I got this habit of making fun of existing practices and ridiculing the wisdom of the world, at times. Evey time I do that, I try to come up with my twisted version of alternatives as well. My life revolves around a series of these problem-solution episodes. The other day I wrote something about the attitude of parents and schools towards raising kids. But then I realized that questioning without suggesting solutions is pretty lame. At least for my peace of mind, I need to have a clear plan to tackle the issue in hand. So I decided to put on record my ideas on raising kids, things that are of critical importance according to me.. something like my personal guide to child care. There are just a couple of lines in it.

Give kids the company of siblings, pets and books: Each of these has a purpose of its own. Siblings are important to tone down the me-centric world view, that most of the kids from nuclear families seem to develop. It is always good to learn at home the essential concepts of sharing, accommodating and mutual respect. Pets can provide a different angle to the same set of values, with a lot of discipline thrown into it. Adjusting your schedule and activities to accommodate the needs of another living, non-human being, can do wonders in bringing some structure to everyday life. Trying to understand and react to a pet, which does not speak your language, so to speak, can also help develop the kid's ability to communicate. Books are man's true friends, providing him perspectives and insights, based on which everyone can 'find out' the truth about things, than being told about it. Reading can be a really liberating experience, which opens up the world beyond the 'planned' curricula they offer in schools.

Introduce kids to the wonders of music, nature, travel and the goodness of human kind: Music is probably the best invention of all times. Learning to appreciate music is like earning a good friend, it stays with you through thick and thin. There is always some music that keeps you going in every situation. A day's travel can teach you more than what you learn in the classroom in one whole month. The joy of exploring new places, people and situations is something to be experienced in person, than through the idiot box. Nature is the true inspiration of life and creativity, something which never fails to make you wonder, something you can always be at peace with. In the seemingly pointless life, the only thing worth believing is the goodness of human kind. Without this conviction life becomes an ordeal, where you look at people as competitors or potential threats and spend most of your time developing counter strategies.

Nurture in kids fearlessness, the curiosity to explore and the inquisitiveness to ask questions without inhibition: Don't try to live their life for them or insist that they live your life. If you respect individuality and want them to really 'live' life, and not blindly follow the majority like zombies, teach them to be fearless in their pursuits. If there is only one thing you can pass on to the next generation, I feel it should be curiosity and the sense of wonder. There is a whole different fun and satisfaction in figuring out things for yourself. Teach them to question everything without stooping to stubbornness of opinion, and not accept mediocrity just because somebody 'important' preaches it. Logical and rational approach to anything is not evil, nor is it dangerous, even if its about sensitive issues like morality and religion.

I know it all sounds so romantic and incomplete. What about preparing for competitive exams? What about etiquette and manners? What about spiritual development? I feel, once the basic values of life are in place, rest all will fall in without much effort. The Sines and Cosines can wait a while.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

- Khalil Gibran on Children

Hey, Leave those kids alone !

I never thought attending an exhibition of schools would be such fun. Trust me, it is. All the fifty or so schools there, had 'state of the art infrastructure', providing 'holistic education', 'based on ethics and driven by technology', 'in a homely environment', where your kids grow up to become world dominators. Though the vision is the same, they have vastly varied ideas on the 'How' and 'How much' part of it. Some believe that it is crucial for the child to learn Equestrian in pre-school, while some others feel that a basic course in Object Oriented technology will help kindergarten students appreciate the objects around them better. There are a few who wants to inspire your 5 year old kid with a visit to the NASA or a tour of the Europe. Some of these schools got weekend classes on Aeromodeling and Electronics as well. What are we trying to do ? Making Einsteins out of every kid by the time he or she is ten? What about that ridiculously irrelevant phase of life we fondly used to call 'Childhood'?

I heard a parent saying the other day 'I want to make my kid a Doctor. I don't know whether he is interested, but I will make him a doctor'. There is perhaps nothing wrong with the intend, but there is something terribly wrong with the approach. When we are kids, we are urged to transform all our interests into money making ventures called careers. If you like to stare at the stars as a kid, you should become an Astronomer; if you can paint, you should become a Graphics Designer and so on. When the parents are so concerned about their kids' future and paranoid about their ability to choose their own paths, it is not right to blame the schools alone for this fiasco. They are ready to shell out those extra bucks, to make their kids learn Java and speak five different languages by the time they get out of pre-school.

So you have decided to give your kid the best education. Don't think you can just walk into one of these schools, show some cash and get an admission for your kid. A friend of mine and his wife have already attended six interviews for the pre-nursery admission of their kid. Both the parents were drilled with questions on their reading habits, leisure time activities and political affiliations in addition to inquiries on financial status and career aspirations. They all prefer to teach kids of professionals who play golf and read Kafka & Camus, to the average Joe from the Department store, who has a degree in Sociology and reads Sidney Sheldon. Yes, Pedigree is important. How else do you expect your three year old kid to discuss the fine points of existentialism and the three layered approach towards software design, on the dinner table? Aha.. like me, you thought schools are institutions which take any half-wit, and transform him into Donald Trump!

When my friend's kid took a few seconds to answer the questions posed by the blazer wearing, straight faced moron, sitting in a stuffy room which is Mars for the kid, he commented that the kid is too shy and they expect kids to be a little more smarter by the time they are two years and six months! In the name of holy Isis, I would have punched the tomatoes out of him if he had told this about my kid. But I shouldn't forget the fact that I am raising kids as Gladiators, who can thrill and entertain the world with their superb skill and talent, in exchange for a loud applause and a little space in the history books. He might not get a chance to enjoy the rain or hold his beloved to his heart's content; but then those are issues that really doesn't matter!

Looks like I am terribly under-informed on the subject of raising successful kids. My children would definitely grow up to become retards who know nothing about harpooning a whale or migrating to Jupiter.