Of todays and tomorrows..

I am not really blessed in the sleep department these days. I spend a lot of time twisting and turning on the bed before sleep finally takes me over. My brain kind of gets hyperactive just before sleep, instead of cooling down or shutting up. It keeps wandering all around the place like Alice in wonderland, from one rabbit hole to another. I have off late started keeping a notepad and pen beside the bed, because this is the time I get many of the crazy thoughts and ideas. Its like a lot of mysteries suddenly unraveling before me. Though most of the stuff I write sound really crappy the next morning, at times I jot down some sensible stuff as well. I read somewhere that people who had near-death experiences saw their entire life flashing before their eyes at that time. Something like that happens every night to me as well, the events of the day flipping past my mind as if to remind me how I wasted another precious day!!

I have realized lately that the secret recipe to slide into sleep as soon as you hit the sack is to live the day fruitfully. Then there will be no regrets left for you to analyze, dissect and do a post-mortem on. An uneventful life might seem pointless at times, but that can give you some peaceful nights for sure. The more you trouble your mind with questions and concerns, the more dirt it's gonna throw back at you. But easier said than done.

What's future like? What does it hold for me? Will I have rainbows day after day? These were some of the thoughts that troubled me, the other day night. The million dollar question... the answer of which we seek everywhere, from everyone. I know its probably THE most important thought that propels life. 'Tomorrow' looks like the prime reason for existence for most of us. We live today and struggle a little more so that our tomorrow will be bright. What we don't realize is that life goes by, as we are busy making grand plans for our future. 'Today' should not be treated as an insignificant speck in our race for tomorrow or just as a precursor for what is to come. The fact that today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday goes unnoticed.. we still have our stare firmly fixed on some elusive tomorrow.

I don't think tomorrow is worth living for... not at the cost of today. Its better if we realize sooner than later that life's made up of a bunch of 'today's and 'tomorrow' is just a concept which we never get to see. Tomorrow is more like this delusion we use, to get away from today. When we run away from today towards some fabulous tomorrow, we are actually giving up on life, unknowingly.

There is this scene in 'Rambo 3' where John is asked how he is planning to live his life. He says 'day by day'. That for me sums up the whole idea of life.