Roaches in Arms !

It was around midnight that I felt this tingling sensation on my neck. Though I wished this was one of those beautiful young ladies from the dream I was having, soon I realized it felt more like a cockroach making his way over my body. Unlike ants, who take a turn or go around, roaches just walk across, even if its along your open mouth. I started getting the same tingling sensation around my left foot as well, and it didn't feel good. I threw the blanket aside, stood up and switched on the light. I was startled to see at least 15 roaches all around the room.

I knew roaches lived in the house, and a lone crusader running from under the pile of dirty clothes was never a nuisance for me. But seeing so many of them around my bed was quite a different feeling. Their demeanor - lazing around without the slightest regard for a superior species (arguably)- was irritating. So I picked up the weapon of mass destruction (my slippers) and unleashed the fury over them. In a matter of minutes I was piling up dead roaches in one corner of the room. It took a full five minutes after this for me to realize that they didn't even try to run away as I approached menacingly with the slipper in my hand. Now that was perplexing! I am no expert on the social behavior of arthropods, but the fact that so many of them came out of their hiding places only to succumb peacefully to my blows was beyond commonsense.

Anyway, I went back to bed, this time snuggling a little more into the comfort of the blanket. But in a matter of minutes I could hear the creepy crawlies running over me once again. Now, this is serious business, and I got up once again to find another 10 odd live roaches in the room. I wasted no time in meting out the same treatment to this battalion as well. Somehow I got a feeling that this war is far from over and I decided to play a little game. I switched off the lights and waited quietly in the bathroom. While waiting for the guerrilla warriors to present themselves I started thinking of this unusual phenomenon. I had never witnessed anything like this in the last 5 years I've been staying at this house. Was this some kind of a roach ritual or ceremony that I accidentally gatecrashed into?

Were they trying to eat me alive? I had held roaches in high regard so far. Though I have written about them a few times here, it was always in good humor and with pure intentions. Even though Pluto had warned me once about their collective intelligence, I never suspected that they would hatch such a plan to attack me; even during the worst famine. I have heard of weird animal behavior prior to natural calamities like earthquakes, floods and volcanic explosions. Considering the recent earthquakes in Japan and Indonesia, even this came up as a reasonable possibility. Both the hypotheses were equally terrifying! I eagerly listened for any corroborating evidence from the dogs in the neighborhood; but they were all unusually quiet that night. It is highly unlikely that only the roaches got warned and not the dogs; and that did calm my nerves to a large extend.

Or is it that they came to know about the rebel uprisings in Egypt and Syria and are trying to pull one against me? For them I might be this giant who cohabits their territory? Putting an end to the uncontrolled wanderings of my mind, I switched on the lights and found another 5-6 roaches around the bed. There were a few in the kitchen as well. In short, I had about 35 kills by the time I finally got back to bed that night. I am sure this should be a record of sorts for one night! Fortunately the roach army receded for the night, probably to recoup and organize another attack some other day. I slept like a baby for the rest of the night though in my dreams I saw monster roaches attacking me with their gigantic mandibles; trying to push me off some cliff as I ran for my life.

Fortunately there wasn't any sign of roaches by the time I woke up in the morning. But I had anyway decided to launch a counter attack, once I replenish my arsenal with some anti-roach missile sprays and bombs. If what they want is a war, I will give them one. And as I do not have any oil reserves I am sure the US will not poke their noses in this 'civil unrest' (even though we are talking about American cockroaches, 'Periplaneta americana').

Victory will surely be mine!

1 comment:

Arun Mathews said...

Dear Officer,

As we have discussed ... WMD you are currently using is not enough please do not hesitate to use the modern warfare .. even if it is biological.. what we want is a WIN...

CO

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