Going Nowhere..

Life is much like a train journey, every stop some faces get down and a few new faces get on board. You really don't have a control over who travels how long with you. Sometimes people come into your life like a storm, uproot everything around and exit as fast as they came, leaving you to take stock of the destruction and damage.

The new person changes life as you knew it, destroying everything old - dreams, ideas, relations, perceptions and outlook. You are transformed to this new individual who sees the world and future with a fresh pair of eyes. Everything suddenly starts revolving around this person and you are mesmerized by the charm. Relations built over time are pulled down and new structures and bonds created. Things around you are refurbished to suit the new world view of yours. Everything seems to be working and working well for that matter. Little do you realize that all the changes happening around you are irreversible, irreplaceable and irrevocable. But you don't care about reversibility because the 'good life' is there to stay and why should you unnecessarily worry.

Earth completes another rotation, HE plays another game of roulette and before you even realize the person you were holding on to is gone. You are stranded in the middle of nowhere, as confused as a baby in a topless bar, too numb even to make a move. Slowly it dawns on you that all that you dreamed of, all that you trusted, all that you wished for doesn't exist any more. All around you are familiar faces, worn out places and reminders of what struck you. You realize that you are left with a punctured heart, broken relations and only yourself to blame. Times you wish you had a pair or hearts; at least you can manage to stay alive with one, when the other is broken beyond repair. The world that looked so beautiful and promising a while ago starts to look hopeless and wicked. The dreams that died were your best... the hope that got squashed were the only ones you had... you are going nowhere.

Very few survive these situations; still fewer without side effects. It is not easy to get up and run when the whole world collapses on you without warning. Where will you go when you don't even have the earth below your feet and skies above your head? Who will you call for help when you only see ghosts around you? (Ghostbusters ??) You feel the weakness creeping into every bit of your body, your mind had surrendered long back. You get a sniff of the darkness that's fast closing in on you. It stinks especially when its cold around. A slight flicker, a melancholic note, one last shudder and its bliss !!

You cant even turn to anyone and share your sorrows as long ago you had tuned all your communication receivers to her exclusive bandwidth. She was the only beacon shining in the darkness for you then. Silence seems to be a cruel scavenger who pulls out all the half decayed memories once again into the open. Nowhere to go as you had locked yourself into this cocoon and thrown away the key. Shutting the door against rest of the world seemed so normal and right when she was around. The thought that life has come to stand-still is painful and soothing at the same time... soothing as there are no more tomorrows that you eagerly wait for, no more eventualities you carefully plan for, no more bright light at the end of the tunnel to run towards. you look at the mirror everyday and see symptoms of age finally catching up with you.. that drooping eyelids, bulging cheekbone, the scary stare.

A part of you is dead, the part responsible for dreams, content and hope. What is left out after this untimely demise is just a shade of what you used to be, a pretender of sorts.

(Image courtesy : http://www.gapingvoid.com)

Now playing: Deep Purple - Soldier Of Fortune
via FoxyTunes

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...